Lost: You–Finding Yourself While Being Mom

Do you spend every minute of every day, and sometimes every minute of every night, taking care of you husband and children?  Are you feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or discouraged?  Was all of it a little more than you bargained for when you got on this roller coaster ride?  Do you exist as a person, or just as a function?

If you answered yes to the above questions, know these two things.  Number one, you are not alone.  You are not a bad wife or mom if you feel overwhelmed.  It is overwhelming!  Number two, it is possible to find the person of you while still functioning.  Being who you are in the everyday

In the morning, tend to YOU.  In the afternoon, tend to YOU.  In the evening, tend to YOU.

I can already hear you asking the following questions:

  1. How?
  2. Isn’t that being selfish?
  3. When?

I am not talking about long hours of pampering.  I am not talking about someone hand-feeding you grapes while you sit on the throne.  Although, there are days that does seem appealing

What are some needs of your children?  The most basic things that come to mind are healthy food, plenty of rest, physical activity, and lessons to stimulate their minds.

What are the needs of your husband?  Rest, notorious food, exercise, and learning new things.

See, it took me a long time to acknowledge this fact and not feel guilty about it.  I think as children, we tend to see our parents as not having needs, especially our moms.  After all, who was up with us when we were sick?  Mom.  Who helped with homework?  Mom.  Who made all the meals?  Mom.  Who cleaned the house and took care of the yard?  Mom.  Who made sure everyone had food and clothes?  Mom.

How do we tend to our responsibilities while taking care of ourselves?  We dance.  We schedule a time to refresh and rejuvenate.  We plan times of rest, and times of fun.  It is up to us to make sure these happen.  If we do not take care of us, then no one will.  Yes, our husbands can help, and our children can help.  But, the responsibility is on us.

Here are a few things to consider.

Food:

  1. What do you eat?
  2. When do you eat it?
  3. Why do you eat it?

Are you a stress eater? I am!  When my girls are busy, I will binge out in the kitchen. While I am embarrassed to admit it, this is how I handle the stress?  Acting out in this manner has only added to my level of stress, not taken care of anything.  I have added pounds because of the habit.  I get more stressed because all the things I am hiding from are not getting done.  I eat junk, so my blood sugar levels are all out of order.  The sugar spikes and then dives.  Guess what?  I am back at it a little later.  And the cycle continues.

Drink:

  1. How much water do you drink?
  2. What other beverages do you consume?

I shared this in another post, but I must

Exercise:

  1. Do you exercise regularly?
  2. If not, why not?

Exercising is good for us.  It stimulates bone growth and muscle growth.  It increases circulation.  It energizes us.  It can help us think better and relieve symptoms of depression.  Working out helps us sleep better.  It cleans our bodies out.  The benefits of exercise are endless.  Do you take advantage of these benefits?  Or do you intend to get to it tomorrow?

regularly.  Life is easier when I am strengthening and challenging my body.  Why do I not do it?  I do not create the time.  I am somewhat rebellious on this matter.  I tell myself I am too busy.  Everyone needs something.  I do not have an hour to myself.  It does not take much to talk myself out of exercising.  The sad thing is, I know the positive impact it has when I do workout.  And yet, I do not do it.

Appearance:

  1. Do you wear cute clothes?
  2. Do you stay in your lounge clothes?
  3. Do you take the time to look nice?

decided one day it was no longer negotiable because I was slipping into depression, and I needed to get out.  I was so busy tending to my little girls; I forgot to take care of myself.  Eventually, I was unable to care for the girls or my husband.  Getting dressed is a way I tell myself it is time to work. It allows me to prepare for whatever the day may bring.  When I feel beautiful, I feel valuable and capable.

Pampering:

  1. Do you allow yourself to be pampered?

I make spoiling myself a regular part of my routine.  I do not spend more than a few dollars on this.  At the most, I might get a pedicure, but that is maybe once a year.  I will take a relaxing bath.  I will leave the house for a couple of hours.  Sometimes, I will sit by a river, or I will go shopping for something fun.  Allow yourself some breaks.  Build it into your schedule.

When was the last time you read a book?  Or tried something new?  If you are unsure of where to start, think of things you liked to do before life became crazy.  Take a class and learn a new skill.  Spend some time serving others by volunteering.  Engage in something that is yours.  You will feel empowered and recharged.  Your children will respect you because they will see you as a person.  Your husband will find the woman he fell in love with and will love you even more.

Can I encourage you to make a few minutes in the day about you?  Remind yourself that taking care of you is not selfish.  It is a necessary piece to you taking care of your family.  Ask your husband to help you in this area, if he isn’t already.  He cannot know you need something from if you do not let him know.  Be proactive about this.  Do not become bitter and resentful to your family because you need some time off.  It becomes easier the more you do it.  Before long, taking care of yourself will become a habit.

 

 

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